It’s not a Question

As anyone who has read my blog (like the last entry) or spent much time with me will know, the constants in my life are something as follows:

  • I’m unashamedly queer, professional and geeky.
  • My family are more important to me than just about anything in the world.
  • Someday, when it suits me and my family, I will be a dad.

This last item has had greater significance this week, with a decision in the NSW Supreme Court that the gay men, who with the assistance of a surrogate had a child, were in fact the parents of that child.

Two years after the fact.

And where the alternative was two years in jail or a $110,000 fine.

This is based on a New South Wales law that makes the use of a surrogate in exchange for payment, locally or overseas, illegal. This law, while strictly peculiar to NSW, is one of a series of laws around Australia and the Western world that restrict the access of couples (like the one I will be in when I start a family, but by no means limited to gay couples) to assistive reproductive technologies and techniques.

Generally, these laws assume that families will consist of a man and a woman, legally married (or in a marriage-like relationship), who can not have children for some medical reason, and who therefore must access certain medical technologies deemed permissible by the legislature. Alternatively, if such technology fails them, they must acquiesce to their failure, safe in the knowledge that it is the verdict of the Almighty that they are unfit to bring up children simply because they are unable to bear them. 1

I could, here, launch into a rant about how not all families look like that, or how assistive reproductive technologies do not work for all couples; how reasons for infertility are sometimes not medically curable, or how the ability to bear children does not imply the ability to raise them in a healthy, loving family. I could point out that it is those couples who have had to fight the hardest for their children who would arguably be the most inclined to raise them in such a fashion.

But I won’t. There are plenty of articles out there that say exactly that. 2

What I will say is that for me it’s not a question.

will have children. I will raise them as best I can, to know that there is a good way to behave and there is a way that is not good. To know that they are loved and that loving those around them will bring them and their world joy.

To know that all families are equal, no matter who is in them.

And to know that the most important thing, when they come to be parents, is to love their children and to fight for them, and God help anyone who would tell them otherwise.


  1. Apologies, my sarcasm is showing.
  2. I refer you, good reader, to the back catalogue of Joe. My. God. and Towleroad. Good luck!

Posted in: Blog

Written by David

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