ForsakenDAemon.net

In the last few days, several of my friends have complained of losing trust, respect or caring about their friends or acquaintances, which prompted me to think about what these things actually mean to me.

I’ve always been a strong believer in the ‘a reason, a season, a lifetime’ principle. If you haven’t heard of it: Spontaneous Concept Explanation!

Basically, the idea is that you have three kinds of friends: those who are in your life for a reason, such as school friends or clubbing friends; those who are in your life for a season, such as those who you used to hang out with a lot, but don’t any more; and those who are or friends for a lifetime, like that one school friend who you can not speak to for months and catch up with and it’s like nothing ever happens. Sure, now they drink instead of taking ecstasy, and smoke cigarettes instead of weed*, but they’re still a friend, and will be until one of you carks it.

The interesting thing is when you start to think about what happens to the amount of respect or trust or care that you hold for this person. Let’s think of them as actual measurable quantities.

In the first case, none of them peak particularly highly. You have a certain amount of each one for the person (probably significantly more when you’re drunk) but when the reason passes the feelings fade, and you’ve never placed a significant degree of trust on the person, or invested a significant amount of emotional resources in caring about them. As such, the result when the relationship ends isn’t particularly impressive – things change, people move on, the world turns, your bins get taken out on Fridays and your boss is still annoying.

In the third case, the issue never comes up – the respect, trust and emotional attachment that you’ve invested is never betrayed because the relationship (read: friendship) never ends, so no harm, no foul.

The interesting case is the second case, and it’s the stage that relationships have to pass through before we realize that they’re actually the third kind. In these cases, respect and trust and caring are more fluid. We may invest a certain amount of trust in a person, and then they do something that feels like a betrayal of that trust. And you know what?

That’s okay.

in this situation, we have two choices: we can walk away, end the relationship, and cut our losses; alternatively, we can reduce the amount of trust (in this case) that we have for the person, and then continue the ongoing process of testing how much trust we should be putting in the person in the first place.

Because trust, respect and caring aren’t earned in one fell swoop. Or, at least, they shouldn’t be. We give a little, we increase it slightly, and we see whether the other person rises to the occasion. Then, when we feel comfortable, we increase it a little more, and see what happens next. Thus, incrementally, we build friends from acquaintances.

And, although a betrayal of trust, respect or emotional investment may feel like the end of the world, this model suggests that it’s not – it’s actually the necessary outcome of testing a relationship. It’s the sign that we’ve reached the limit of what this person can give at this time.

But who knows what they’ll be ready for down the track! Keep on testing, keep on trusting, keep on respecting and keep on caring. Because you never know where someone will be in a month’s time, let alone a year’s.

*Note Bene: not based on reality. No, seriously.

It’s a beloved series of books that’s been part of lives of many young Australians. It’s one of the most hotly anticipated releases in Australian film ever. And, when it comes down ti it, Tomorrow When the War Began is a truly awesome film.

Following the lives of eight teenagers who are on holiday in the Australian bush when the country is invaded by an unknown hostile army, the film is remarkably true to the opening novel of John Marsden’s acclaimed and highly successful series.

Caitlin Stasey is wonderfully strong as heroine and narrator Ellie Lynton, bringing a self command to the role that is sure to leave diehard fans of the novels satisfied and cry out for more. While her rather clipped Australian English seems slightly out of place in the country town of Wirrawee, it is sure to make her more accessible to filmgoers outside of Australia.

Lincoln Lewis and Rachel Hurd-Wood have a fantastic chemistry as Kevin and Corrie, playing off the subtleties of their relationship to be a believably tumultuous teenage couple. Lewis in particular brings a sweet sensitivity to the role of die-hard coward, making the moments of bravery among the most powerful in the film.

Possibly the most poignant performances in the film is that of Chris Pang, as reclusive Lee, who manages to steal several scenes without saying a word. The iron self-control that he shows alongside an admirable passion makes this one of the most restrained and moving performances I’ve seen from a young actor in a long time.

Even in a movie this dark and bloody, a healthy amount of comedy worms its way to the fore often through Andy Ryan, whose quirky, very Australian sense of humour and wonderfully comic timing bring a freshness and joy to a film that might otherwise threaten to overwhelm an audience with it’s dark subject matter. His description of his experience of the war beginning is blackly funnyand must be seen to be truly appreciated.

Of course, all of this would have been impossible without writer and director Stuart Beattie, of Australia and Pirates of the Carribean: The Curse of the Black Pearl fame. A self-proclaimed fan of the novels, Beattie says that he “made a movie that he would like to watch as a fan, and hoped that other fans would like it too.” Indeed, his devotion ti the film shines through the script, along with a puckish sense of humour that leaves his audience groaning (but in a good way).

Working closely with the cast to build a strong sense of community between them, he has taken a group of largely unknown and mostly Australian young actors and created at east a few unstoppable forces that should take the Australian film scene by storm – and created a stunning blend of Australian comedy and Hollywood blockbuster along the way.

Tomorrow When the War Began opens across Australia on September 2nd.